My Apricot Tree Moment: In the jar.

So, as some of you know, Mike and I are trying to be extra frugal. We have medical bills overflowing our mailbox right now and we want to pay them off as soon as possible. 

A few nights ago, Mike was mentioning that was going to be getting paid in the next few days-
 I said, "Cool, I'm going to run to the store tomorrow and get a few things, we need eggs, milk and some other stuff." 

Then, he stopped and looking up from the dishes he was doing (such a good guy) he skeptically said "By other stuff.... do you mean a peach tree?"

Ha! .... Let me explain. After moving back into our house, we noticed spiders EVERYWHERE. We also had weeds growing in our grass and a few dead spots where we had fertilized, but didn't know the sprinklers weren't working properly as we weren't living there- (fried, yellow grass.. blah) anyway - So, I went to IFA to get some supplies.... but not just any IFA, or the one that is less than 15 minutes from my house... but I had to drive more than double the distance to go to 'Lindon Nursury' .... aka tree and plant HEAVEN. :)... what? I knew I wasn't going to buy anything.... I was merely going to get a few ideas for next year... ehem. I bought the fertilizer, bug spray and weed killing stuff.....packed it in my car and was about to go for a walk around the nursery when Sammy spotted and ran towards a big, cool cart.

Well, "Why not?" I asked myself, I was just planning on walking around real quick, but it was 104 degrees outside, so it may be nice for the kids to just sit there instead of getting more hot by walking around. I wasn't going to buy anything, it was going to be just a quick stroll around the plant and tree heaven. .....

Then something happened..... all of a sudden I was in Fruit Tree Forest. I don't know if it was the 104 degree weather or being tired from hauling 3 kids around all day  - but all seemed right in the world. The birds were chirping.. Sam was sneaking fruit s from the trees...... and I weaved in and out of all of the possibilities... I mean trees..... Cherry! Peach! Apple! Plum! ... and all of the exact type that I wanted........  And THEN I spotted it!..... The perfect apricot tree. :)  It was big, it was beautiful and already had fruit on it that was almost ripe!

You see... 3 years ago when we moved in, we bought these silly trees.....

A Pink Lady apple and a pear tree..... along with a peach and apricot tree that died... (may they RIP)

As you can see.... they basically just sit there looking silly. - This year we  have a few pears growing! Hooray! ... but I was feeling a little robbed. 

Last year, Mike spent months on a retaining wall around the back of our yard and creating this beauty for me....

It will one day be overflowing with fruits and veggies... that is a big garden.
 We moved during the planting month, so... here it remains... :)

I only say this to tell you that this is the only thing I can look back and assume I was thinking when I plopped a huge, beautiful apricot tree in the cart next to Sam. ... I'm lucky that Claire and Ben were in the cart too, otherwise I may have put more in there! I was seriously in a state of pure innocence and excitement.. I felt completely justified in my actions.

 "This isn't like a new purse or piece of decor for my home.. it's a fruit tree!" I said to myself... as if I was actually being frugal by buying it... as if I was really going to spend $70. on apricots this year, so this really was a steal of a deal.... right? :)

Well.... 

Wam. Purchased.

I was so excited... almost giddy! I sang "Popcorn Popping" to my kids and drove off....

Then came the guilt..... What just happened? I can't afford a tree right now! I just spent all day the day before making baby food to save a few bucks... and I just bought a tree???

Needless to say, I felt bad. I sent the picture to Mike and waited...and waited.. and waited for a call back... nothing! So I called him with an "I'm so sorry" response as he said "Hello" ... turns out he was in a meeting and hadn't seen the picture yet. I was hoping he'd laugh with me and be excited for a new tree...but he was clearly in his right mind.... "A tree,hu?" He said in sweet tone.... he wasn't acting mad at me or disappointed, just sort of... well .. blah. He was still sweet and kind, just not helping me feel better about the situation.

I got home, pulled it out of the van and in one hand, I wanted to hug i!.. It looked so beautiful! On the other hand, I wish I could've just taken back... but, I'd only get 50% back on it.... so.. I went inside.

I started making dinner and felt kind of dumb. How did that just happen? I have never been one to make purchases without talking to Mike, and  am usually REALLY good at not spending money...Although we totally had the 70 bucks, it could've been just that much extra on those medical bills. 

I wanted to put all of these feelings into a jar so I could open it up every time from here out IfI get swept off my feet again like I did in the 'forest of fruit trees.' -

It wasn't an overly "guilty" feeling... just sort of surprised at how easy it was for me to slip away from my common sense. 

Isn't it beautiful? 

Do you have any Apricot Tree moments?
 I have to say that I am grateful now that I did buy the tree... only because I never could understand why it is so easy for people to spend money they didn't really have on silly things- it was good for me to feel what it felt like to be swept away like that... whether it be a new electronic device, purse, outfit, tree... it happens! We are just simply not perfect. - I guess we just have to look at the good in the situation and do what we can to remedy it. Return it? Adjust our budget for the week or month (beans and tortillas for a week?:) hehe) ... I don't know. This isn't a post on how to avoid these things or to fix a mistake that has been made... It's just my attempt to put the feelings I had into that jar I was talking about... guilt and all. I'll leave it all here. I will do this to stop feeling guilty for something that is already done. What's done is done.. and also to have something to remind me... I'll seal it tight and pull it out and open it the next time I'm tempted to do something that could thwart my progress toward the grander goal. :)
So no, Mike. I won't be buying that peach tree today!

Soon I will post my favorite apricot recipe... super simple and SO yummy. Keep an eye out for it!

I hope you have a great day :)

Cara